A Day In The Life Of Captain Jack Sparrow
by Quagix
Summary: Just a normal bizzare day in the life of the famous Captain Jack Sparrow.


Title: A Day In The Life Of Jack  
  
Author: Quagix  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: As the title suggests, its a day in the life of one Captain Jack Sparrow.  
  
Disclaimer: If only they were mine.  
  
Archiving: Sure, but mail me at quagixhotmail.com if you do! Not that you would want to o' course!  
  
Beta: The Generally Demented Katy L. Briers Esq.  
  
Notes: Please R&R. it's my first complete fanfiction, and I'd be ever-so-greatful!

-----------------------------------------------------------One minute, blissful serenity of the sea, the calming sounds of the waves lapping up onto the side of the boat, the secure darkness that created a protective veil from the day ahead. And then --"ARGH! What on earth do you think -- it's cold -- I'm captain -- walk plank, now!"  
  
"Come on Captain, it's time for you to be up." The voice of Anamaria echoed through his ears. "We're going to be approaching Port Royal and..."  
  
Jack's eyes slammed open. Port Royal. It had been his port of call every couple of months at the least, and every couple of days at the most. In fact, Will and Elizabeth often had a lot of trouble kicking him out of their grand new house, and in fact had a special room to hide Jack whenever Norrington came knocking. Jack's eyes flicked to Anamaria standing over him with an empty bucket.  
  
"Well, you should have said, lass." Jack grinned. Calling her lass wound her up, terribly. Besides, it served her right for waking a poor man from his slumber, in a way which was very uncomfortable, to say the least. "Now gerrout. I must be properly atired for this momentous occasion."  
  
"I'm gone Jack, I have no wish to see you half dressed, or half undressed. Although you seem overly keen to put me in that situation." She shut the door quickly behind her, and chuckled as she heard Jack's indignant shouts coming from the cabin.  
  
"Me? I did nothing of the sort. Always been an honest pirate, me. Wouldn't ever do something to an innocent lass like yourself."  
  
Jack heard Anamaria's footsteps fade away, blending into the other noises that were becoming louder by the second on the ship. Slowly clambering out of bed, ruffling the covers as he stood, he staggered forwards, trying to ignore the pounding headache that was trying to smash its way out of his skull.   
  
"Definitely. Definitely not enough rum," he said to himself.  
  
He stood in front of a large decorative cabinet, and opened one of the drawers in front of him. Grabbing as many bottles of rum as he could in one hand, and many more than he should have been able to hold in the other, he stood for a second, pondering on how he should go about closing the drawer. Eventually, he managed to balance his back on a chair and supporting himself on one foot, gave the drawer a push with the other foot. It slammed shut in a cloud of dust. He staggered back to the bed, dropping the bottles of rum onto the mattress. Picking only one up, he uncorked the top, and took a quick glug before searching for his clothes which were spread around the room. Amazingly, he found most of his garments within a few minutes and a bottle of rum, and managed to dig his hat out from under the bed, after noticing part of the rim poking out the side. He smudged on the kohl over his eyelids, and pulling down his hat just to the level he liked it, Jack strode onto the deck.

---------------------------

"Captain!" Jack's eyes rolled. Gibbs was rushing towards him. What was wrong now? Maybe a black fish had crossed the path of The Pearl, and they were all doomed. As useful a gossip and contact Gibbs was, not to mention a valuable drinking partner, Jack found his superstitions rather irritating. He remembered the time that Gibbs had refused to sail because Jack had unwittingly walked underneath a ladder on the way back from one of the numerous inns they'd been to the night before they set sail. Jack hadn't been too happy with this and had sailed away, leaving the unfortunate, or possibly fortunate, Gibbs on Tortuga. It was of no consequence that The Pearl had come back two days later with a leaking hull and one sail badly ripped. The man had worn a smug smile for over a week after that incident.  
  
"Yes, Gibbs? What's the problem?" Jack saw Gibbs' eyes flick up to his kohl rimmed eyes. He knew that Gibbs didn't exactly approve of his eye decoration, and whether or not that was part of the appeal in wearing it, Jack was unsure, but it was still unnecessary for Gibbs to constantly badger him about it. "If you make one mention of my appearance and choice in style, I will personally see to it that you walk the plank and I will shoot at you with my beauty's cannons as you fall, savvy?".  
  
"No sir, wouldn't dream of it. I've learnt that it's much bad luck to anger the captain on a loverly morning such as this." Gibbs rubbed his right shoulder, as it recalled the pain that Captain Jack had inflicted on it the last time he had said the wrong thing to him in the early hours of the morning. "But another thing that is very bad luck is this woman, Captain."  
  
Here we go again, thought Jack. Gibbs had never been comfortable about having Anamaria on board either, and had managed to point this out to Jack on an uncountable number of occasions.  
  
"What about her?" Jack's eyes lit up dangerously. He felt he deserved a bit of fun, considering Anamaria's behaviour.  
  
"Well, not meaning to rock your boat Jack, but as one friend to another, she brings frightful bad luck on this bo..ship."  
  
"Well, I'll tell you what, Joshamee". Gibbs flinched at Jack's use of his first name. He'd prefered being called by his last name, and had always made it a point to avoid the knowledge of his first name getting around too far. "Why don't you, go over there, all on your onesies, and tell her your...grievances?" Jack gave him a hard push into Anamaria, who was currently just out of hearing range, obviously waiting to have a quick chat with Jack as well now he was up and about.  
  
"Oi! Watch where yer going. Yer buffoon!" Anamaria shoved him away.  
  
"Aye, pardon miss." Gibbs hurried away after looking back at Jack like a wounded dog. Jack watched as he went below deck.  
  
Finally, a few minutes on his own, on top of his beloved Pearl. If he could call it on his own. His rabble of a crew were haphazardly trying to look busy aboard the ship, and failing miserably. Even Jack had already noticed the wind was dying down as the heat of the sun rose, and he guessed that the Pearl, as wonderful as she was, would become a sitting duck within the next hour. He glanced up at the beautifully crystal clear sky, with not a cloud in sight. It was nice to be able to just stop and relax once in a while. Without anyone to disturb you.  
  
"Jack."  
  
"Typical, just bloody typical." Jack muttered under his breath. "Yes? I do believe that's what they call me. Though I've considered changing it to something more fearful, what do you think of Cut-throat something..or even just The Bloody Sparrow? That has a ring to it..."  
  
"Jack, I'm being serious. Stop doing...just stop it."  
  
"Aye, me lassy."  
  
"You call me lass one more time Jack." Even Jack flinched under the glare he got from Anamaria. "What's that Gibbs been saying to ye now? Has he been complaining about me again. Because if he has Jack I'll--"  
  
"Don't worry la--Anamaria. I've sorted everything, savvy? No need to resort to violence. Yet." Jack gave Anamaria one of his grins. One of his, "I'm-special-and-I'm-up-to-something" grins. Anamaria eyed him cautiously.  
  
"I'm trusting ye this time Jack. Whatever your thinking, don't." She stalked away. Turning quickly she added, "And I don't know why you're making this crew do any work, any fool with a head on her shoulders would know that we're not gonna be getting anywhere today now. If only the captain had been awake when there'd been a little bit of wind."  
  
She followed Gibbs below deck, listening to the second stream of curses that Jack had been sending in her direction for the second time this morning. 

---------------------------

Jack sat at his table, absent mindedly munching an apple, as he watched the calm sea from his cabin's window. They had just managed to slowly start moving again, so there was still hope of Jack getting to Port Royal by the time night rolled in. In fact very soon, they should be arriving at their usual docking place, where from he could wander into town by foot without bringing any alarm to the general population of the Port. He always hated walking.  
  
Jack eyed a seagull circling above his beloved, which was quickly followed by the sound of his crew moving and clambering around getting ready to harbour her. He leapt for the door, dropping the now forgotten apple core, and strutted outside.  
  
"Jack, where the hell have you be-"  
  
"One more word like that Anamaria darling, and I'll have to throw your pretty self off my ship."  
  
"I'd like to see you try, you still owe me a boat."  
  
She always ended with that. It was getting frustrating. Jack made a mental note to himself to borrow Will and Elizabeth for any spare boats they may have lying around, before he lost any more face in front of his crew. He certainly didn't want them to mutiny again, considering the amount of bloodshed that happened last time.  
  
"Right. And I will be getting you your boat as soon as I can lay these hands on one?" Jack heard the footsteps of Gibbs coming up from behind him. He knew the sound that all of his crew made now, one of the safest ways to keep safe on a ship. Know your enemy.  
  
"Captain, you shouldn't let a woman boss you around like that. It's unnatural-"  
  
"What do you mean it's unnatural, you foul pig!" Jack winced at the beginning of yet another argument between the mother and father of conflict aboard his Pearl."Its more natural then sleeping around your quarters all day, and skiving on yer duties."  
  
"I don't! I do my fair share of the work-"  
  
"And get more than a fair share of the plunder for someone who works the same amount as a cabin boy! Whilst a 'woman' does more than-"  
  
Jack watched the rest of the crew slowly turn back to work away from the argument, having seen it too many times before. Jack grinned at them as they continued with their duties. Then turned back to the bickering pair.  
  
"-and you eat more than your-"  
  
"Right! ANAMARIA! GIBBS! INTO MY CABIN. Unless of course you'd prefer me to get the rest of this loverly crew to push you over the side of me Pearl? Savvy?"

---------------------------

'What am I going to do with these two?' Jack stood thinking outside his cabin before entering the now-dangerous cabin. I'm going to have to separate them before much longer. Somebody is gonna get hurt. Musn't let my Pearl get hurt. Right, here I go, the famous Captain Jack Sparrow, bravely taking on the dangers of a quarreling Gibbs and Anamaria. Well, a dangerous Anamaria, but that was beside the point.  
  
Jack flounced into the cabin. Giving them both a dangerous eye.  
  
"Right. Stand to attention. The both of you." He surveyed them, making them feel uncomfortable. "Now, today has shown that NEITHER of you are capable of working together like the kind of people I like to have on board my ship. Gibbs, well. I've been worried about you of late. Your...ah..." Jack gestured vaguely at his cheeks and coughed lightly. "You both understand that everyone must work as a whole, although they are really separate entities, for which we should be thankful, really. Thinking about it now, you and Anamaria here would be quite formidable as one person. As we are, we blur together to create a sort of..." Jack waved a hand "chaotic paradise!"  
  
"Blur?" Anamaria said doubtfully. Jack waved the hand again to shut her up.  
  
"So, if the two of you miserable specimens wish to remain on amenable terms with me and my crew, I suggest you each swallow your tongues with your differences and get along. Savvy?"  
  
"Aye, captain".  
  
"Fantastic. You two are going to get on finely." Jack's hand reached for the rum in celebration.  
  
"Captain. I think Gibbs should apologise." Jack's hand reached for something heavy to knock over Anamaria's head instead.  
  
"Why on earth should I be doing that? I haven't done anything wrong, you stupid woman."   
  
'Idiot!' Thought Jack. Now you're in for it. Jack edged discreetly towards the door.  
  
"Don't call me a stupid woman, you piece of dog's filth. You have continually insulted me and-"  
  
Jack decided this was not the time to be discreet and hurried out through the door, locking it behind him. Patting the key in his left pocket, he listened to the conversation.  
  
"-Not my fault that people of 'your gender'-". They didn't appear to have noticed Jack's departure or even him locking the door. Shrugging to himself, Jack wandered off to help the rest of the crew prepare for going ashore.

---------------------------

Jack was the last one on the ship, checking everything was secure. As he came up from below the deck he heard the door hammering behind him. They had obviously just discovered that they were locked in. Jack carefully tiptoed towards the door, carefully not making a sound. But they were no longer hammering on the door. And sure enough, Anamaria was yelling at Gibbs again.  
  
"This is all your fault!"  
  
"What, how?" The sound of Gibb's indignance was enough to raise a smile to Jack's face. He hurried away before the noise started giving Jack a headache.  
  
"Whoever heard of a headache without rum!" Muttered Jack to himself.

---------------------------

"Fantastic. I love parties!" Jack gave a maniacal grin to his friends who were sitting, rather blurrily, in front of him. He gave a little squint just managing to identify William and Elizabeth Turner.  
  
"We know Jack, that's why you're invited. But on one condition."  
  
"And what might that be, matey?"  
  
"You have to stay away from the drinks that night. No getting drunk."  
  
"WHAT?!?"  
  
A party without drink, beverages, rum?! Who'd have thought it. He especially wouldn't of thought the son of his mate, Bill would even let the idea cross their mind. It's obviously something to do with being raised by hs mother. Or probably that Elizabeth girl warping his mind.  
  
"Please Jack? We'd love you to come. But we can't risk you being caught, and you're more likely to be caught if you drink that filth."  
  
It was definitely Elizabeths fault.  
  
"But, the rum? I can't go without the rum? How about just a small bottle to keep me going? A glass? A drop?"  
  
"Jack. No." Jack glared at Will. How dare he say a word against rum. He never was a good pirate anyway.  
  
"But-"  
  
"No."  
  
Jack started muttering to himself. "Be damned if I'm coming then. Prefer to stay on me onesies on me Pearl, in me cabin, with me rum, and me own company". Jack's mind suddenly started sending urgent panic signals to his memory.  
  
"ARGH! No! My cabin! 'Maria, Gib-MY RUM! I'm coming!"  
  
Jack leapt out of his lounging position on the armchair, and promptly fell on the floor. Shoving himself into what he hoped was an upright position, Jack charged towards the door.  
  
"You coming then?" Elizabeth called out to Jack.  
  
"'Course. Indubitably. Rum." The door slammed shut behind him.  
  
"I'm coming rum! Uncle Jack's coming!"

---------------------------

Jack arrived aboard the Black Pearl huffing and panting. Scrabbling over to the door, he fumbled around his pocket for his key.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" He practiced under his breath. "Didn't mean to, completely forgot, no no." He shoved the key in the door and turned, pulling the door wide open. He paused.  
  
"Ah."  
  
It took a lot to suprise Captain Jack Sparrow, but what was taking place in front of his very eyes, in HIS VERY CABIN was enough to surprise even the most expectant pirate.  
  
Was that even possible?  
  
Jack pulled shut the door again, and relocked it.  
  
"I think" said Jack to no-one in particular, "that the rum can wait."


End file.
